Updated: Sep 14, 2021
One of the best ways to start thinking about your trauma is to think about the patterns you have in your adult life, especially the ones that upset or bother you. The ones you know are there and you wonder how or why you always attract, these kinds of people into my life. Why does the same negative pattern show up in my life? You know exactly who and what they are. So, what does it mean? How do you change these patterns?
Your patterns are feeding something in you, a belief that you took on in childhood or before you were born. Let’s start before you were born. How could you have developed beliefs before you were born. Find out all the information you can about your mom’s pregnancy. Was she under stress, depressed, happy, excited about your arrival? While you were in your mom’s womb you took on the energy of her body. You were aware of her state. Your limbic brain had not developed its logic brain yet, so you had to depend on sensations and feelings. Your emotional brain was developing and taking on a way of being until it could be resolved. The different parts of the brain hypothalamus, Hippocampus, amygdala, Thalamus, basal ganglia and the cingulate gyrus are a few of these brain parts that were already working on recording and holding onto your in-utero experience and sensations. Yes, implanting the feelings and keeping them in your brain.
So, what if your mother was hoping for a girl and you were developing into a boy? Or, your mom was thinking about aborting you for whatever reason. You took on a core belief that was not able to express itself or even understand what it meant yet. Most common core beliefs:
1. I should have been a boy/girl
2. I am unworthy
3. I am unlovable
4. It is not safe to be me
5. No matter how hard I try, It’s never enough
6. I don’t deserve
7. No one is there for me
8. I am always last or left out
9. Others are more important than me
10. People always abandon me
11. It is not good to be Powerful, rich, outgoing, successful
12. I am alone
13. It is not safe to speak out
14. Life is not fair
15. I must obey or suffer
16. No one will love me
Talking to your parents or relatives can give you the information you need to begin to understand where your parent’s lives, thoughts, and situations were before you were born. Were they happy, stressful, angry, excited? What was their state of mind? Some of these core beliefs didn’t arrive until after your birth and some are definitely pre-birth core issues, especially It is not safe to be me.
If you can identify any of your current patterns with pre-birth feelings, you can begin to think about and feel what those feelings are all about.
How can you begin to change your pattern? If you felt unloved, you can start by loving yourself. How do you define love? Begin by getting quiet with yourself or a trusted friend and think about that, write about it, talk about it. How do you sabotage yourself or let someone else sabotage your love for yourself? Make lists, explore the feelings you have in your relationships. If your story is a happy loving story, identify and write about all that love you received from you parents and where you find and identify that love in your life today. How does it show up and with whom? Do you even recognize it?
Research your local area for group therapy to explore these questions and answers. Find a therapist that specializes in trauma therapy. Begin a daily meditation or quiet time you can be present in to allow your feelings to come up.
The next pattern developmental phase I will be talking about is your actual birth and why it matters. It is your first physical trauma. You cannot enter the world as a human and not experience the trauma of birth. It is not possible.